At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
