I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
