Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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