I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
