Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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