I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
