At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
