So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
