I seem to have left my pride at pride
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
