i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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