Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
