You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
