it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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