Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
