I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
