hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
