All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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