Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
