Im at strip club and am horny
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I will be naked everywhere
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
