Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
