I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
