i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
