Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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