Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
