do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
