I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So much rum. So many feels.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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