I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
