i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
