I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
i out mim tonsoeep
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
