oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just high enough for therapy.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
