To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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