it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
