okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
