Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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