I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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