Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
