I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
