I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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