i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize