I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
