in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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