is your mom at the bar?
I don't think brook has ever known best
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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