The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
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