I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
