is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
