i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
