'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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