yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize