Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
