Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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