He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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