Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
