Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
