I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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