Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
