goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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