just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
