i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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