There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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