singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
