hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
