Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
