3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Randomize
