It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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