i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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