hell yes lets make some ravioli
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
