My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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