hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
