Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
