hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
