i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
