I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
