Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
