I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
