My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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