Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
