I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
