I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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