I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Your cock deserves a montage
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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