You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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